You probably recall back in January how I commented on my cat's poor health. On Jan-31 she had to go to the vet and there was a decent chance she wasn't coming home. As it turned out she managed to survive and come home that day. Her health has continued to worsen since then, and today I took her to the vet for the last time...

About two months ago we took Maya to the vet. She was listless, logy, and barely responsive. The vet confirmed that her kidneys were going and that she was dehydrated. At the time there was serious talk of putting her to sleep and relieving her suffering. In the end the vet suggested that we could try giving her intravenous fluids and see if it helps. In the latter part of her life Maya seems to be near death one day, and then she bounces back for a few days. The fluid injection helped and Maya was, though subdued, cheerful and somewhat active for the next couple weeks.

Shortly thereafter the downward spiral began again, and she began displaying obvious signs of senility and extreme age (forgetting where the litterbox is, for example, and being nearly deaf). Then over the last 48 hours Maya began having trouble standing up and walking in a straight line. She kept losing her balance and tipping over and she seemed very disoriented. Her appetite diminished markedly and though basically still affectionate, she became upset because she kept falling down, and this made her irritable.

Pat and Lynnea took her to the vet after school yesterday and the doctor confirmed that Maya's kidney failure was entering an advanced stage, and that though we could try giving her fluids again, she was suffering. I was at work when Pat called me in tears and asked if I wanted to see Maya one last time before she was put to sleep. Lynnea was very upset... it's hard to lose a pet when you're a kid.

Eventually we decided to bring her home one last time so we could be close to her and comfort her... so that her last day would be a happy one, and yeah, I wanted to see her again.

The vet gave us a brochure for Pet Memorial Park in Foxboro, MA. This is one of those pet cemetaries that will put your pet in a casket, give it a funeral service, and bury it with a tombstone. We probably can't afford all that, and as a kid I always liked the fact that my pets were buried on my property where I could visit with them. We haven't called them yet, but we're pretty sure we'll have Maya cremated and keep her urn somewhere in our house. Lynnea picked out an urn that she liked from the brochure.

Petting Maya Last Night

So we all cuddled with Maya on the couch last night, and she was as affectionate and sweet as I ever remember her being. This morning at 5:30 AM when she began yowling at the top of the stairwell (as she oft does of late) I went up and picked her up in my arms, took her downstairs, and snuggled with her for one last time, smiling at her kisses.

As I recently went back on Paxil, I wasn't feeling the same wrenching sorrow I felt 2 months ago, but I was still very sad. Maya purred and lay close to me while I dozed.

Later, after Lynnea was safely off to school, I went upstairs again and gently put Maya into her pet carrier. Usually Maya protests angrily when in her carrier and is a hellion at the vet. Not today. She meowed once and then was quiet. I wonder if she sensed today was different. On the way to the vet I kept talking to her, even though she couldn't really understand me. I kept telling her what a great cat she was, and how much we all love her, and how we'll miss her, and how soon she wouldn't be feeling sick anymore. That's when I started crying.

At the vet's the attendant was very considerate and told me how sorry she was about poor Maya. I thanked her and then opened the carrier door briefly to rub Maya's head. Ordinarily when bringing Maya to the vet in the carrier, this would be a foolhardy act. But this time, this one time, Maya seemed happy. She playfully nuzzled my hand, and rubbed her head against the towel lining her carrier. I'm going to remember that peaceful, happy expression on her face for the rest of my life. While stroking her head, I said goodbye to my beloved pet. "You'll always be in my heart Maya. So long, puss." I asked the attendant (unnecessarily I'm sure) to please be gentle with Maya, and she assured me they would.

Once outside, I broke down and cried hard. I don't cry often these days. So I surprised myself with how deeply I felt the loss of my dear cat.  It hurt so much to just let her go, knowing she wouldn't come back. For 15 years Maya's been the affectionate companion we came home to every day, who always greeted us in the morning with a purr and a meow, and a soft nuzzle. We've all spent countless hours with her on our lap, or playing games with her. She was the best. We really loved that stupid cat. It won't be the same home without her.

Lynnea Says Goodbye

Bye puss. We love you.