CARLY: [walks in with tray of drinks] What was all that about anyway?
TERENCE: *Yawn* Sorry, I was dreaming of a lemna.
CARLY: [sets down tray on endtable next to sofa] A lemna?
TERENCE: Yeah. It's a weird shape that has something to do with the position of the sun in the sky versus the time of day over the the year. It's like a lopsided figure eight.
CHAD: [looks up from newspaper] That's not a lemna. Lemna are minute aquatic plants.
CARLY: I thought they were South American pack animals.
TERENCE: South Amer--? What the f--? You're thinking of Llamas!
CARLY: Ah! Yes I am! Llamas. Thanks!
TERENCE: So anyway, not a lemna, a lemma I think it's called. It's hovering over--
CARLY: Hey speaking of llamas, there's something that I've always wondered about.
CHAD: What's that?
CARLY: Remember that time we went to La Jolla, and you got mad at me because I kept pronouncing it La Jawla?
CHAD: Yes, because it's "LA HOYA" not "LA JAWLA". In Spanish, the 'J' sounds like an 'H', and the double 'L' sounds like a 'Y'.
CARLY: Exactly! So why isn't Llama pronounced YAMA?
TERENCE: Because people got tired of correcting idiots and gave up. So the lemma in my dream--
CHAD: Technically it's not Spanish, it's Quechuan. Spaniards settled large portions of South America, assimilating the Quechuan-speaking people. In so doing Spanish assimilated some Quechuan words, especially those which described local flora and fauna which have no analogue in Spain. Such as the word 'llama' and the names of the related ruminants the 'alpaca', 'guanaco', and of course the 'vicuna'.
TERENCE: That's very fascinating Chad. Really. So anyway, this lemma--
CARLY: So "Llama" wasn't originally pronounced "Yama"?
TERENCE: *groan*
CHAD: Oh I have no idea. Maybe it was, I was just pointing out that it wasn't techincally Spanish, but Quechuan. So it *might* not have been pronounced "Yama". Then again, the Quechuan speaking people wouldn't have ever seen a double-L before, so perhaps the Spaniards chose those letters because the natives were saying "Yama".
TERENCE: WHO GIVES A FUCK!? What does this have to do with--
CARLY: Quechuan? Isn't that that really spicy Asian food?
TERENCE: That's "Szechwan". It's Chinese food. Listen, I want to tell you about my dream.
CHAD: Well the province of Szechwan is actually largely populated by non-Chinese peoples. It was originally settled by Tibetans, the Hui, and the Miao. It was annexed into China seventeen hundred years ago by the Qin dynasty. Because the root people there are not Chinese, the food is different than Chinese food which is why it's usually distinguished with the name Szechwan.
TERENCE: HEY, TANGENT-BOY. SHUT UP.
CARLY: So what's Quechuan?
CHAD: The language of the Incan people. Still spoken today throughout the Andes highlands.
TERENCE: HEY!
CARLY: What?
CHAD: 'Sup?
TERENCE: Do you wanna hear about my dream or not?
CARLY: Oh sorry. Sure. You were dreaming about this lemna thing.
CHAD: Except it isn't a lemna, it's--
TERENCE: Yeah yeah, Einstein, we got that part. So I'm laying on a picnic blanket under a beautiful summer sky, and there's this shape hanging in the air over my head. Not too far up... maybe 20 feet or so and it's glowing yellow and drifting around slightly--basically hovering.
CARLY: [reaching for a book] Is it day or night?
TERENCE: It's daytime. Maybe mid to early morning.
CHAD: Does it cast shadows?
TERENCE: What?
CHAD: You said it was glowing. Was it glowing so brightly that it cast shadows?
TERENCE: You know, in my dream I never took the time to actually pay attention on that. If I ever have it again I'll be sure to check and get back to you.
CHAD: The reason I ask is because you said it was 20 feet in the air.
TERENCE: Yeah, so?
CHAD: How do you know?
TERENCE: How do I know what?
CHAD: You have no way to tell that it is 20 feet up because it's this bizarre shape hanging in the sky. How do you know it isn't 10,000 feet up and 500 times bigger? Or 10 feet up and half the size? Now if it cast shadows, you could compute from the direction and lengths of the shadows--
TERENCE: It's a DREAM. It's 20 feet up because I just know it's 20 feet up. SHUT UP.
CHAD: Jeeze. Bite my head off. I'm sorry already.
TERENCE: So anyway it's hovering about 20 over my head--
CHAD: As far as you know.
TERENCE: [looks at Chad for a long time; Chad shrugs] As far as I know it's 20 feet up, hovering in the air. The weird thing is I'm not at all surpised that there is this big lemma hanging over me. Then something really weird happens. The lemma starts to--
CARLY: [looking in book] It's not a lemma.
TERENCE: Huh?
CARLY: According to the dictionary a lemma is a secondary idea which one assumes to be true, and then uses to demonstrate a primary idea.
CHAD: So for example I assume that Terence is on drugs, and then I use that idea as a contributing factor to explain why he has fucked up dreams?
CARLY: Right. Or it can just be a theme or subject which appears in a title.
CHAD: Like "Terence Has Fucked Up Dreams -- An Essay by Chad"?
CARLY: Right. Or it can just be any word or phrase that gets put in a glossary.
CHAD: Like "Lemma: what Terence thinks the shape that describes the position of the sun in the sky versus the clock is called"?
CARLY: Right.
TERENCE: I oughtta kill you guys. You know that? You fucking asked me about my dream, and all you've done is give me shit from the moment I started talking about it.
CARLY: Hey listen, YOU'RE the one who doesn't even know what he's dreaming about. First it's a lemna, when it's not. Then it's a lemma.
CHAD: Then it's 20 feet in the air when you have no idea how high it is.
CARLY: Then it turns out it's not even a lemma.
TERENCE: First of all, I told you what the thing I was thinking of was, I just used the wrong word for it. I mean Jesus, I suppose I could have just lied and told you it was a circle, but I was trying to be as accurate as possible.
CHAD: By using the wrong word.
TERENCE: By describing it, ASSHOLE. That's not the point. The point is you guys are being really rude. If you want to hear about my dream, then sit and listen and ask relevant questions. I may not know what I'm dreaming about, but I'm sure it's not the Qin dynasty annexing South America and how they cooked alpacas!
CHAD: [looks at Carly]
CARLY: [shakes head]
CHAD: [looks back at Terence]
TERENCE: [looking at Carly] I mean here you are supposed to be listening to my dreamstory and instead you're thumbing through the goddamned dictionary!
CARLY: I was trying to help. Anyway, you saw me pick up the fricking thing, if it sent your knickers into such a twist, why didn't you say something?
TERENCE: I thought it might be a dream dictionary.
CARLY: Ooh! That's a good idea, let's get one of those! [jumps up and leaves the room]
TERENCE: [slaps himself in the forehead]
CHAD: [shakes head and looks away]
TERENCE: I'm sorry I even tried to tell you about it. It was just a very strange and hauntingly beautiful dream and I wanted to share it. Now I'm all pissed off and I haven't even got to the best part about what the lemma said.
CHAD: [muttering] analemma.
TERENCE: What?
CHAD: Analemma. It's called "analemma".
TERENCE: An alemma?
CHAD: No, it's all one word, it is an ANALEMMA. That's the lopsided figure eight which describes the path the sun takes through the sky if observed at the same time every day. It forms the basis of the equation of time and is the result of the fact that the Earth's orbit is elliptical and that the planet's axis of rotation is tilted with respect to the plane of its orbit.
TERENCE: You knew what it was called all this time? Why didn't you just say so?
CHAD: I was going to, but I never got a chance to before you and Carly started talking about llamas.
CARLY: [comes back in with dream dictionary in hands] Okay what did we decide this thing was called?
TERENCE: Analemma.
CARLY: An alemma?
TERENCE: A-N-A-L-E-M-M-A.
CARLY: The only thing here under A-N-A-L is "anal sex". Which has something to do with fear of submission. [looks up] You didn't have anal sex with this thing did you?
TERENCE: What--? Jesus no! Did I SAY anything about that?
CARLY: I dunno, how was I supposed to know there was no anal sex in your dream? It's been like a half hour and you still haven't finished the story.
TERENCE: I wonder why that is.
CHAD: Try looking up "figure 8", that's probably a common dream symbol, or check to see if there is a category for shapes.
CARLY: Nope there's nothing for "Figure 8", but there is something for figures in general. "To see mysterious figures in your dream signifies great mental distress."
CHAD: I'll fucking buy that.
TERENCE: [to Chad] Blow me. [to Carly] Look up "symbol" instead.
CARLY: [flips through pages] "To see an unknown symbol in your dream, indicates your ambivalence, confusion, or ignorance in a situation.--"
CHAD: I'll fucking buy that, too.
CARLY: Ahem. [continues] "Consider what the symbol resembles for additional significance."
TERENCE: It's not unknown and it resembles a figure-8 which is not in your piece-of-shit dream dictionary.
CHAD: Will you finish the damn story already? I'm getting tired of this.
TERENCE: Okay. Summer morning, laying outside on a picnic blanket, giant glowing analemma hovering over me. So I'm staring up at it feeling warm and comfortable, and then it begins speaking.
CARLY: Speaking?
TERENCE: Yeah, and every time it says a word, the light of it pulses brightly.
CHAD: So what does it say?
TERENCE: That's the part that is really cool. It says "I am the conduit..." [pause] I am the... conduit of time or something and then something about the attenuation of the human soul. And then... shit!
CARLY: You don't remember what it said? I thought it was really cool?
TERENCE: [frustrated] Well fuck! It was really cool when I dreamt it but you guys have had me running around in circles so long now I forgot it!! ARRRGH! THAT'S IT! I GIVE UP! [he storms out]
CARLY: [looks at Chad] THANK YOU.
CHAD: Happy to help. [picks up newpaper and begins reading again.] I still remember the last time when he told us of his dream about the Möbius Band.
CARLY: [takes a drink] Yeah, there's one that went on forever.
CHAD: [nods]
ANALEMMA:
The analemma is actually quite beautiful.  Some people have actually gone through the painstaking trouble of using a precisely positioned camera to take a picture of the same piece of sky at the same time every day to produce an image of the analemma formed by the sun.
  • The Analemma: this page describes the analemma in great detail along with the science behind it.
     
  • On the Trail of the Analemma: WIRED News article describing people trying to photograph the analemma.  Apparently it is so difficult to do it has only been accomplished nine times.

DREAM DICTIONARY:
From the same crowd that brought us astrology and tarot comes dream interpretation.  Hold on to your brains, or they will be confiscated...

LEMNA:
These tiny floating plants are more commonly referred to as duckweed.
LLAMA:
Llamas are cute!
  • The Llama Song: Did you ever see a llama kiss a llama on the llama?
     
  • The Guanaco Page: like miniature llamas!  These are cute too!
     
  • The Llama Q&A Page: pictures of vicuna, alpaca, llamas, and the answers to all your burning llama questions.  And probably answers to questions you would never have thought to ask, such as "Can llamas be used for therapy?"  Also included is a segment on how to pronounce the word!
    Here in Canada it is usually pronounced with the first “a” sounding like the “a” in “lap” which would be “laam - uh”.

    Our friends across the border in Washington always laugh at us when the hear the Canadian pronunciation as their version has the “a” sounding like the “a” in “law”. Consequently they pronounce it like “law - muh”.

    In Spanish, the “ll” has a “y” sound so the word is pronounced “ya - ma”. Sometimes the Chilean pronunciation is “jaw - ma”.

MOBIUS BAND:
Take a strip of paper.  Twist one end 180 degrees and then tape the two ends together.  You've created a Mobius Band, a loop with only one apparent side.
QUECHUAN:
The language of the Incan ruling class. (wiki)

SZECHUAN:
The Chinese Province, the food, the people...