So in my spare moments over the last couple weeks, I've been playing HALO 2 on xbox live.  If you're not familiar with xbox live, basically it is an extension of the xbox multiplayer experience into the realm of the internet.  With an xbox live subscription, broadband high speed internet service, and a network cable between your router and your xbox you can play multiplayer games with any group of players (up to 16 at a time) out of the thousands scattered across the internet.  It can be very fun, and most of the time it is.  But there are always people out there who ruin experiences for everyone else, and the realm of video games (and really anything that does not exclude immature/insecure males) is no exception...

Immature and Insecure Males

The problem is that males who are immature, insecure, or both, piss me off.  I believe very strongly in the principles of humility, sportsmanship, and respect for others.  I believe that being a good winner is as important as being a good loser.  I despise trash-talk.  I make no claims to be perfect with regard to any of these ideals--we all make mistakes--but I always try to keep them in mind and adhere to them.  After all, people who don't adhere to these ideals are not fun to be around.

The insecure/immature male has a problem displaying humility and respect for others because he (a) doesn't really understand what respect is and (b) doesn't respect himself.  Filled with self-doubt, such a male must reinforce his lagging confidence by elevating himself with boasting and lowering others with put-downs.

I'm not talking about friendly jibes, we all can tell the difference between someone who is joking with us and someone who is being nasty. 

In youth, this is a little easier to understand... boys want to be men.  When they don't know any better they think that bravado and posturing will get other people to think they are men.  What they don't realize is that until you think you are a man, you're not.  If you're really a man, you don't need to convince anyone you are a man.  Likewise, what others think is not really relevant to your manhood.  When someone reaches manhood, they realize they've got nothing to prove.  If you're trying to prove you are a man, you aren't.

In adulthood however, this behavior becomes harder to explain.  Some boys reach adulthood physically, but never seem to reach that last level of social development to true manhood.  I'm not sure as to whether that is because they simply have an inferiority complex, but I have a hypothesis that it has to do with prowess, particularly physical prowess.

The more prowess a boy has as he is growing, the less likely he will find his manhood challenged by those he chooses to surround himself with.  His assertions and boasts will meet with agreement for fear of the alternative.  For such a boy, this can actually become an impediment for development into manhood.  The bravado and aggression seems to be working, and he comes to rely on it.  This is similar to a pretty girl who refuses to take any responsibility, and comes to rely on being cute to get her way.

The problem is that as age comes, strength and physical beauty fade.  Ultimately what such folks rely on will leave them, and then they will have nothing.  Without that final leap of maturity, the departure of prowess means the departure of manhood.  What a sad state of existence that must be.

I bring this whole subject up because when playing HALO 2 online you wear a headset with a microphone and earphone, so that you can communicate by voice with the other players.  This is usually an asset, you get to have fun conversations with the people you are playing with and against ("Man do I suck.  Does anybody else want to join me in the 'We Suck' clan?"), and you can coordinate with other players when playing as a team ("We got two blues incoming on the left side of the base!  One has stealth, watch out!").  It can also be a learning experience, as players share constructive tips ("Man you always get me with that sword."  "That's because the sword is a close range weapon and you keep fighting me at close range.  To better your odds you should switch to a distance weapon and try to get me out in the open.")

Unfortunately, online gaming is swamped with immature and insecure males, and as a result the headset becomes a vehicle for such males to try and assert their manhood, which means that very often you have to listen to some mouthy punk trash talking in your ear when you are trying to enjoy yourself.  It becomes even harder to enjoy yourself when it is directed at you--it results in anger, and the instinctual reaction is to lash back.  My wife, Patty, doesn't like it when I lash back at such people, and in truth, neither do I.  There's certainly no sense of satisfaction, and in a way, responding in kind brings out in me exactly the behavior I despise in them.

Case Study #1: You're Garbage

That's the position I was in the other day when a "team mate" told me that I was "garbage".  It was 8 player capture-the-flag on a HALO 2 map called "colossus".  We were the blue team, and the red team defeated us quite handily.  They were very well coordinated and we were not.  Our self-appointed team leader very quickly took upon himself the important role of bitching about how shitty his teammates were, or at least two of us.  One of his teammates was acceptable to him, the one who basically followed him wherever he went.  The problem was, he offered no direction at all to the team that he decided he was in charge of--apparently we were just supposed to read his mind.  At the end of the match, he actually congratulated the other team, and I was quite surprised to hear him do so, because it seemed too sportsmanly given his nature, but his real reason for paying the complement was so that he could use it as a springboard for launching a fresh attack on two of his teammates, concluding with the assessment "You're garbage."

The insecure male can't stand failure.  It must be somebody else's fault.

"Man don't be that way, we're all trying here, nobody is slacking off--"

"You're garbage."

"Quit whining.  Jesus, like you were born a Halo expert.  This is only my second time on this map--"

"You're worthless.  You're useless.  You're garbage."

"And you're a whiny little crybaby--"

"You're garbage."

"Oh go fuck yourself, dickhead." *disconnect*

I was angry for about a half hour afterward.  I was pissed off because I had worked hard to try and support the team even though I was playing on unfamiliar terrain against a well-coordinated enemy.  Constructive criticism and useful advice would have been welcome.  Instead all my efforts met only with derision.

Case Study #2: The Holocaust gives me a hard-on.

When seeking to impress other males, the immature/insecure male will flout accepted norms of social behavior.  Basically, he will be an asshole to prove that he is such a big, tough, man that he can be an asshole and not fear the consequences.

This is particularly silly on the internet where there are no consequences.  It takes a real brave man to insult somebody on the internet.

This is what was happening the other day when I was matched into a game where I found one of my assigned teammates in the pregame lobby saying "The Holocaust gives me a hard-on."  I would be hard pressed to think of any suitable response to that but he followed it up with "That and little girls." This to a chorus of laughter from his immature buddies.

Obviously the speaker wasn't serious, he was just saying the most offensive thing he could think of just to prove that he could say it and get away with it.  Someday, if and when he discovers maturity, he will look back on this moment with shame.

I noted that the people on the other team were silent (many immediately unplugged their headsets so they wouldn't have to listen to this jackass showing off for his friends).  I also noted that they were all highly rated players.  Our team was less highly rated, and I was the most highly rated player on it.

Deciding that I had a hard-on for leaving assholes in the lurch, I quit the game, thus leaving the asshole and his buddies outnumbered by their more skilled opponents.  I guess on rare occasions, there are consequences on the internet.

I usually never quit a game no matter how badly I am losing (how will I ever learn if I quit?)  But, when my team or the other players are being abusive or offensive, I see little reason to stick around.  I'm here to have fun, and obviously they can't have fun without hurting other people, so screw 'em.

That's why last night when one of my team mates started shouting "I smell nigger!" during a match I just bailed, immediately.  Now he can smell defeat and I can go on and find a game to enjoy.  Quitting out of such games seems to be a good policy.

Case Study #3: Lucky Throw

When an insecure/immature male wins, it's skill.  When his opponent wins, it's luck.  Last night while playing a head-to-head slayer match on the Halo 2 map "Lockout", I realized I was playing an immature person during the very first battle.

One of the most powerful weapons in the game is the alien energy sword.  On Lockout, as soon as the match begins, people tend to run for the sword.  First one to get it is usually ahead.  So lately, instead of grabbing the sword, I instead grab grenades and watch the position where the sword is located to wait for the hordes to try and take it.

This guy was no surprise.  He headed straight for the sword, but I missed him with my first throw and he charged me with the blade.  Knowing I wasn't going to survive, I switched to sticky grenades, aimed carefully at my approaching target while backpedaling, and threw.  The grenade stuck directly to the front of his faceplate and though he still managed to swing and hit me with the sword (which of course, killed me) he was done for and died when the grenade exploded a few seconds later.

I opened my mouth to say "Nice swing, man" when he said "That was a lucky throw.  I totally owned you there."

What an ass.

"That was not a lucky throw, I was aiming and made a good throw."

"Yeah, well I was aiming with the sword and I got you, didn't I?" [for the record: it is FAR easier to score a hit with the sword than it is to score a hit with a sticky grenade]

"Yes you did, and did you hear me say 'that was a lucky hit'?  No you didn't.  I don't dis your skills, so please don't dis mine."

[sarcastically] "Oh wow, that was a REALLY GREAT THROW."

It only got worse.  The other player really knew the map very well, and found a good spot to snipe from where he could survey the entire upper map and all of the approaches to his position.  Then he sat there shooting at anything which moved and calling out taunts.

"Man you take forever. Come on out... you're going to lose anyway."

"I just spawned, dummy, I need to get a weapon."

[2 seconds later] "Have you found a weapon yet?"

"Man what is with that attitude.  Quit it."

[2 seconds later] "Have you found a weapon yet?"

"You'll find out when I find a weapon.  In the meantime you just keep sitting up there camping and sniping with your big bad-ass attitude."

"I don't have no attitude.  I'm not camping I'm just chilling, hanging out... winning."

"You know what?  I don't mind losing, but I don't have to put up with your big mouth. Later." *disconnect*

My primary problem in that game was that I was letting his taunts get to me.  I should have just quietly unplugged my headset and let him rattle on to no avail.

The other problem is that I kept going to him and trying to defeat him where he was entrenched.  That was a mistake.  I should have let him come to me.  When you play the other guy's game, you lose.

Case Study #4: General Bad Behavior

On my first night playing HALO 2 in a head to head match on Ascension, I was leading the other player 4 to 2.  When time began running short, the other player began yelling into his microphone incessantly... nothing in particular, just nonsense words.  "YOOBEE! YOOBEE! YOOBEE!"

Again I should have unplugged the headset but I didn't think of it.  I just kept saying "Cut it out will you?"

The noise so distracted me that I got off my game and the other player managed to get 3 quick kills on me so that the score was 5 to 4.  Then he went stone cold silent again, and I never saw him for the remainder of the game.  Essentially, having secured a 1 point lead, he avoided all further contact and let the clock run out.

He did not utter another peep until time was up and he was declared the winner.  Then he shouted "Yeah motherfucker!"

Conclusion

Clearly I need to work hard to not let such people get to me if I'm going to enjoy the HALO 2 online experience.  The basic rules for dealing with assholes that I'm adopting are:

• unplug the headset--I don't have to listen to this idiot.
• quit--there are thousands of other players out there... why waste my time on this jerk?

Fortunately the live version of HALO 2 includes a feedback system where you can report unruly players, and I am making full use of it.