This document is going nowhere.  I've deleted it and I'll have to start over.  I seem to be having trouble focussing today.  I think maybe I'm depressed.  It just seems like a lot of things are going wrong.  Also, I am still greiving, I'm constantly catching myself brooding.

I think I need to take a walk outside for a little while.

I always knew that one day the horror that was Columbine would be surpassed.  I just hoped it would never happen in my lifetime, and I didn't expect it to be this bad.

To the families of those killed and wounded at Virginia Tech today, my sorrowful condolonces.  This is just awful.

During my long convalescence I had been pretty blue about not receiving any get well (or later) any sympathy cards or calls from people at work.  Just the same I've been eager to get back and see my coworker friends.  I'm not 100% better yet, but strong enough to work, and so today is my first day back on the job.

Everybody was happy to see me.

Nearly everybody had no idea where I had been.  People had assumed I was working an offsite project or something.

Most apparently didn't know my father had passed away.

Y'know, I've worked in offices where if you were sick for an extended period, you could count on e-mails, phone calls, sympathy cards, and letters of support from your coworkers.  Likewise for bereavement.

This used to be one of them.

It's amazing how the place has changed.  When I came back I found out one of the people in QA that I liked to work with was gone.  No farewell e-mail, no announcement, in fact nobody went around to tell her closest friends that she was no longer with the company.  How did I find out?  By sending her an e-mail to ask how she was doing and to let her know I was back.

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Subject: Hey There!
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 -- *sigh*.

These last couple months have just been awful.  Things seem to keep going wrong.  I'm at the point where I'm beginning to wonder if I've simply been an anomaly up until February... inordinately blessed, and a sadder and more unfortunate life is actually the norm for me.

My Dad passed away, as you all know.  I had pneumonia and was mostly unable to work for two months.  A close relative of mine was robbed.  Last week my wife lost her job.  I go back to work today after being out sick for two months and I'm going to have to ask for some time off this week.  Why?  One of my teeth just fell apart yesterday.

I have an incredible anxiety about visiting dentists and this is why I never go.  Combine that with bad teeth and you get my horrible mouth.  But the tooth can't stay like this so I am going to have to go in.  Which means I can expect a recurring nightmare of dental visits for many months (not to mention the dental expenses at a time I can ill afford them).

Great.