Unbecoming Levity

The Immortal's Dilemma

Abacquer — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:52:12 -0400

NOTE: This story is chapter 2, the sequel to the previous chapter. If you have not already read the first chapter, you will find it here.

Travel via quantum entanglement was essentially instantaneous, but the habitat still needed an hour or so to complete the final leg of the journey--a series of maneuvers using thrusters to approach and dock with Ellan and Tyr's habitat. Mara used the time to prepare herself. As she bathed she considered what Kennis had said about finding a new world upon which to create humans.

The idea was fraught with problems, really. Homo sapiens were what they were largely because of their environment. As products of natural selection and evolution, they were a perfect fit for Earth, and clearly would not be a fit anywhere else. This meant an enclosed environment, planetary engineering, or genetic surgery. An enclosed environment was the most practical, but hardly the sort of thing that humans would be satisfied with. How could they truly call their new world their own if they had to live in a box to dwell there? A large-scale colony habitat could be fashioned in space, but humans would immediately set out to leave it... they might even learn of Earth, go back there and destroy the new life that owned that world in a bid to reclaim the planet.

Engineering a world was possible but would be a massive effort. Altering the orbits and environments of planets was no small task. Given a suitably altered world, Mara would be able to repopulate the environment with the various species of Earth in a few tens-of-thousands of years. But to shift an orbit? Alter the gravitational properties of a planet? Refashion its atmosphere? This would require highly specialized equipment, exorbitant resources, and millions of years. While these things could be had, and the timeframe was largely irrelevant, the process would certainly require the assistance of other people, perhaps as many as a dozen. And wherever minds met, ideas changed--Mara's vision would become the property of a group, and would doubtless be altered. She might not end up with humans at all.

This left genetic surgery--essentially creating creatures that were mostly human, but engineered to dwell on a different world, a world which Mara and Kennis would have to find. One suitable for life, as close as possible to the environment of Earth, but lifeless. Finding such a world was only a matter of time. The real problem was the genomically altered humans--they would not be truly human. Further enough time in the alien environment, no matter how earthlike, would lead to evolution. How would the genomes of Earth compete on another world? Would the primates dominate the world as before? Or would natural selection favor some other species? Genomic preservation through the use of nanos was possible, but nano-enhanced humans would essentially be a different species--Homo lentus--that hardy species of humanity that had extended life spans, improved senses and agility, and a high resistance to disease and adverse environmental conditions. Homo lentus as a species did not last long simply because it rapidly completed the transformation to Homo immortalis. Homo sapiens needed to be created nano-free.

It was a thorny problem and Mara did not see an immediate way to a solution. Nor did she understand truly why she felt this curious motivation to recreate Homo sapiens. [Ten minutes to dock] the habitat informed her, via her network feed. She had spent too much time bathing and the skin of her fingertips had taken on a most amusing wrinkliness. Mara stood as the water drained away in the marble bath, and reached toward the towel bar. Immediately a towel materialized there, synthesized by the nanos which permeated the habitat, and Mara herself.

"It's quite unnecessary, my love, that you should bathe." Kennis said from the doorway.

Mara hadn't noticed Kennis standing there and offered up a small grin. Kennis was gently leaning on the doorframe contemplating Mara, much as Mara had done to her 24,000 years prior. She had not dressed. It was true; the nanos continually cleaned their bodies and their environment. Mara tilted her head to the side and began vigorously drying her hair with the towel.

"It may not be necessary, but I enjoy it. Does it bother you, my love?"

"On the contrary, it may be unnecessary but I could stand here and watch the water play over your body for centuries. I'm quite glad you do it."

"Oh Kennis, you silly girl, centuries in the bath? What would my skin look like after that?"

Kennis laughed then. That gentle but confident laughter that Mara so loved. Kennis was ever her strength. But this time there was a bit of mischief in it.

"I suspect we shall soon find out," she said as she turned to leave, "you'd best finish up. We dock soon."

"Are you not going to dress?" Mara called after her.

"No need," her voice filtered back from the corridor. Well that was also true, Mara supposed, but that would be another unnecessary activity that she nonetheless took pleasure in. With a gentle thud, the habitat rocked slightly as it docked with Ellan and Tyr's home.

Indeed, apart from a necklace of jade beads, Kennis was still nude when Mara rejoined her in the airlock. But Mara was resplendent in a fabulous red and gold dress and her hair had been carefully styled in layered tresses. Her eyes were bordered with dark makeup and gold rings adorned her ears, and her left nostril. She wore a braided gold chain about her neck, and a translucent golden scarf and veil on her head, beaded with small accents of gold and pearls. Golden polish had been applied to her fingernails and toenails, and she wore decorative sandals, also bedecked with gold.

"How do I look, love? Is it all unnecessary?" she asked Kennis, playfully.

"Sadly my darling, yes. You look lovely, but it won't last."

Mara was about to ask why when she noticed a red indicator flashing over the airlock door. The habitats had finished negotiating, and the indicator warned that the environment on the other side of the airlock door would not sustain them. [Destination environment incompatible with your biological requirements. If you wish to proceed please indicate your preference for assistive technology or biological adaptation.]

Just what sort of environment have Ellan and Tyr fashioned for themselves, Mara wondered.

The two immortals spoke simultaneously. "Assistive technology," Mara said. "Biological adaptation," Kennis said. Mara looked at her. "I do not like it when you change your body. I love you as you are."

"It's only for the duration of the visit, love, and I don't wish to lug around gear."

"Gear?" Mara asked and glanced down as a mist of nanos swirled up around her from the floor.

Rapidly the nanos disassembled her dress, sandals, jewelry, and veil, and replaced them with a red and gold wetsuit, swim fins, and small face mask. Special lenses formed over her eyes and air tanks materialized on her back. She looked back at Kennis. [Kennis, please be seated.]

A simple chair materialized beneath Kennis as she sat and waited for the nanos within her to receive their instructions. Mara watched as Kennis' skin changed from its smooth olive shade to a pale turquoise, and rapidly became scaly. Her nose receded and gill-slits formed on her neck. Kennis grinned at her reassuringly as her eyes changed, becoming larger and slightly more bulbous and richly green in the iris. The hair on her head became a deep emerald green as well, while the hair on the rest of her body vanished altogether. Finally her limbs changed--first lengthening in the long bones and digits, and then webbing grew between her fingertips, and her feet flattened into long wide fins.

"Ah, this is why I had to sit." Kennis noted as she gently pedaled her legs. Her voice sounded odd as well, like she was gargling. "Do I make a beautiful fish, my love?"

"I prefer you as you were, but even as a mermaid, you are quite lovely."

"Shall we be fish together?"

"I prefer to remain as I am."

"Suit yourself," Kennis said, glancing at Mara's wetsuit.

"Apparently I have."

[Biological adaptation complete. Kennis, please flex your gills.]

As Kennis wondered how exactly she would do that she found that somehow it was simply second nature... just a variation on breathing. Her gills opened and closed but didn't seem to provide her with any air.

"I can flex them but I am getting lightheaded unless I breathe through my mouth."

[That's fine. Your gills will only function properly underwater, provided you actuate them. If you forget, your nanos will actuate them automatically. Eventually you will use them without thinking. Your lungs will function if you choose to breathe through your mouth. Please do not attempt to do so underwater.]

"Thanks. I'll try to remember that," she said, with a hint of sarcasm.

[Sorry Kennis. Of course you will. Mara is your breathing apparatus functioning to your satisfaction?]

Mara took a breath through her mask and gave a thumbs up sign.

[Mara is your breathing apparatus functioning to your satisfaction?]

"Yes." she transmitted through her network port. "When I raise my thumb like this, it is an affirmative response."

[Noted. Your oxygen tank will self-replenish more rapidly than your lungs will consume air. Please wait while the environment is equalized.]

From small vents in the floor warm briny water with a slight green coloration began filling the chamber. It rose rapidly and quietly and very soon covered their heads.

"Hab, why is this water green?" Kennis gargled.

[It is inhabited by microorganisms native to the oceans of the fourth planet around Regulus. They will not damage your biology.]

"Thank you."

Mara glanced up at her formerly carefully styled hair, now floating about her head like so much seaweed. "Kennis, you knew about this didn't you?" she transmitted through her network port.

Kennis held up one webbed thumb with a half grin. "When I raise my thumb like this..." she began, but by then her lungs were empty of air and so the remaining words were lost.

"Well why did you not tell me so?"

"Because my love, if I had I would not have gotten to see you bathe or see you dressed like a princess from Delhi. A lie of omission, but I made this one only because I so love to see you in all your incarnations. For what it is worth, you appear graceful in your wetsuit," Kennis transmitted.

Mara stood, gloved hands on hips, and simply stared at Kennis.

"Lithe and attractive."

More wordless staring.

"Like a sleek, kind, stunningly brilliant, um... red-and-gold sea lion."

"Kennis. You are incorrigible," Mara transmitted, but she grinned all the same. It was truly impossible for her to be mad at Kennis.

"Hab, how can I vocalize when my lungs are empty?"

[Your larynx has been compartmentalized with your gills. Should you choose to do so you can draw water through your gills into your larynx and expel it through your mouth while vocalizing. You should find this form of vocalization most proximate to your original voice. Your nanos will manage this function for you until you are able to do it yourself.]

Kennis tried to speak aloud, and found her gills drawing water in quite automatically.

"Ah, thank you Hab. That's much better," she responded her voice sounding quite normal.

[You're welcome Kennis. Equalization is complete. Please enjoy your visit with Ellan and Tyr.]

With a whir, the airlock door opened to the dimly lit interior of the other habitat. Immediately Mara and Kennis found themselves surrounded by all manner of strange aquatic creatures. Tiny orange three-legged squid, golden sheet like animals with no visible fins, globe-shaped creatures which vaguely resembled jellyfish, and several varieties of what appeared to be fish, but not like the fishes of Earth. These creatures had a surfeit of fins, to the point where they almost looked feathered instead of scaled. Each had a number of greater fins which were like long whirling streamers--they did not appear to be useful for locomotion, perhaps they were for mating displays. These fish appeared in many colors and sizes, from small black ones the size of a fingernail to red or purple hand-sized ones and ever increasing combinations of size and color. There were two that were at least 5 feet long, all white, with their great streamer-fins swirling about them. The walls crawled with strange shellfish and three-legged starfish, tubes from which the heads of snakelike creatures would repeatedly rush out and then as quickly retract inward and dimly luminescent balls of fluff rolling about in long strands of grass like sea-plants.

Ellan and Tyr were nowhere in sight. "Strange that they would not be here to greet us," Mara transmitted to Kennis.

[Greetings Mara and Kennis. Welcome to the habitat of Ellan and Tyr. You have been granted full guest access to all habitat functions.]

"Thank you Hab," Mara transmitted, "where are Ellan and Tyr?"

[I have been instructed not to answer that question.]

Kennis laughed. "My love, I think Tyr is having one of her games with us: hide and seek. Let us hope she is here in the habitat. The last time we played hide and seek with Tyr, it involved several hundred years exploring the ice fissures of Europa."

"It could be fun. Shall we look?"

"Why not?" Kennis shrugged and then swam a few meters into the habitat, her strong legs propelling her forward. She stopped and hovered there glancing left and right as curious fish approached her and then darted away. Truly Mara could not help but marvel at how beautiful she was, even in this merfolk form. Their habitat understood Kennis and Mara's tastes and had made the changes as aesthetically as possible. Once again Mara appreciated this as her love hovered, her skin covered in turquoise scales, but with a pattern of indigo diamonds running down her spine and terminating just above her buttocks. Each diamond was perhaps 10 cm high by 3 cm wide, except the last, which was twice the size of the others.

"Are you coming?" Kennis asked, turning to look at her. At the noise the fish retreated en-masse, only to return again, slowly.

"Yes of course, just contemplating you my love."

Mara kicked off from the floor and joined Kennis inside and together they began by swimming the periphery of the habitat. Unlike their own home, Ellan and Tyr's seemed to be configured as a single chamber. The habitats were of comparable sizes, about 300 meters long by 200 meters wide by 10 meters high, which seemed all the more enormous when the entire space was a single chamber. There was nothing to compartmentalize the space by function, and no furniture of any sort was evident. The floor seemed to be covered with fine sand and outcroppings of stone upon which the various sea-life grew.

"It's basically a giant aquarium," Kennis noted, echoing Mara's thoughts.

"It's marvelous isn't it? Not the sort of environment I would choose to live in, but still it is quite amazing. Such varieties of life."

Kennis nodded. "Yes, I--oh, Mara we seem to have acquired some friends."

Mara looked back to find they were being trailed by a school of yellow streamer-fish, several red fish, perhaps six blue fish, and the two largest fish they had spotted earlier.

"Curious creatures," Mara transmitted. Then she removed her mask briefly and said "Boo!" At this all of the fish scattered except the two largest, their great white fins fanning out gently around them. "Kennis, these ones do not fear us."

"At that size, it's not surprising. Besides we likely have no analog in their environment, so unless we do something obviously threatening, they have no reason to fear us."

Mara swam closer to the two giant fish. The fish backed off slightly, but did not retreat.

"On the other hand, Mara, we may have reason to fear them."

"I hardly think Ellan and Tyr would fill their habitat with dangerous creatures and then invite us to simply wander about without warning. I sense no threat from these animals."

[You are not in danger in this habitat. None of the creatures here see you as a food source.]

"See?"

"Well..."

"Oh Kennis, ever my protector," Mara noted with a smile. She swam a little closer to the large streamer-fish, and again they backed away slightly, but not as far as she approached. She was closing the distance. She took off her mask again, letting it dangle. "It's alright," she cooed quietly, "I will not harm you." She held her mask to her face long enough to take a breath and then swam a little closer, again murmuring gentle reassurances. The fish did not retreat further.

"I think they must be a mated pair, Kennis. Where are their young do you think?"

"Perhaps all around us," Kennis transmitted, not wanting to alarm the fish now that Mara was so close.

"You think these colorations might denote age rather than species?"

"Anything is possible, I suppose. I note that each successively larger specimen is a lighter shade than the previous. The smallest ones are black, and these two are the only white ones I see. It could perhaps indicate age."

Closer and closer she edged, until she was within arm's reach of the pair. Carefully she removed one glove and reached out to touch one of the great fish.

"Mara..." Kennis warned, "I wish you wouldn't."

"Hush Kennis. It's all right."

Her hand finally settled gently on the side of the fish's face. There were no gills evident. The skin of the animal was warm to the touch, and the multitude of tiny fins gently undulated under her palm in a peculiar rhythm. It tickled and Mara smiled. Then her brow furrowed as she noted a distinct pattern in the beats of the tiny fins. It is not regular, and not random, Mara thought to herself. Then she realized what it was and drew her hand away in surprise.

"Kennis, these are sentient creatures," she transmitted.

"But there is no mention of sentient life on Regulus-4 in any of Ellan's or Tyr's books, or indeed in any books ever published."

"Maybe they have not told anyone else of this species. But they are sentient. This being just tapped out a series of primes on my palm."

"What?"

The fish she had touched suddenly drew closer and stretched out one of its great fins toward her. "Kennis!" Mara said in alarm, forgetting to transmit. The fish froze but did not retreat.

"Mara are you alright?" Kennis said agitatedly.

[Mara is not in danger. These fish will not harm her.]

"Hab, why are the sentient variety of this genus not on record in the literature?" Kennis asked, a bit sharply.

[I have been instructed not to answer that question.]

"Well what is the exact nature of this species?"

[I have been instructed not to answer that question.]

"Kennis, it's alright, I was just startled. Of course they are as curious about me as I am about them. I touched this fish, and it is only fair that it should be allowed to touch me," she transmitted.

Mara took another breath from her mask. "It's alright," she said soothingly, "go ahead." The fish continued reaching toward her and gently stroked the side of her face, once downward and three times up. Mara's brow furrowed again and again the fish repeated the almost loving caress, once downward and three times up. It was then as Mara gazed into the fish's eyes her own widened suddenly in recognition. The fish drifted in close and planted three soft kisses on her forehead. One over her left eye, one over her right, and a third higher up in the center--a triangle of kisses. A thin whisper escaped its lips, uttering three distinct phrases--one for each kiss.

"Sim salem, sim salom, sim salaam."

Then it waited a moment, drew close one more time and, as Mara knew it would, planted one last kiss in the center of the triangle. They spoke the fourth phrase together.

"Sim sey."

She finally understood, and had she not been underwater, the tears she was shedding would be evident to all. But the fish knew.

"A Tyr so zuzu," it said, and then backed away from her. As one, the two fish turned and began swimming slowly toward the center of the habitat.

Kennis' scaly arms wrapped around her from behind and held her close.

"That was amazing my love. You actually communicated with it? What a remarkable creature!"

"Yes, she is."

"Oh is that the female?"

"They are both female."

"I heard her speaking to you, but the language was not on record."

"This is true, but I know it nonetheless. She said 'sim salem, sim salom, sim salaam'--'love the mind, love the body, love the being'."

"And 'sim sey'?"

"Love you. And then she saw I was weeping and said 'a Tyr so zuzu'."

"Meaning?"

"No tears for Tyr."

"Ah, is she taking us to Tyr then?"

"Kennis, she is Tyr. And I assume the other one is Ellan."

"What?"

"We have found them, come, let's join them habcenter. It's been too long."

She reattached her mask, and the conversation continued as they swam after Ellan and Tyr, with Kennis vocalizing and Mara transmitting.

"I had no idea such extensive biological adaptation was possible. All the adaptives I've seen have been humanoid." Kennis observed.

"You mean you haven't been playing along this whole time?"

"Not at all. I knew Ellan and Tyr were studying the sea creatures of Regulus-4, and I knew they dwelled in an aqueous hab, but I did not know about this. Apparently they have modeled their entire biology on the species native to Regulus-4. Doubtless they could swim its seas unaided and blend right in. Amazing."

"My poor Tyr."

Kennis seemed not to notice. They were arriving at the center of the hab. Here the stones formed a semicircle. Opposite the entrance of the semicircle stood three triangular stones. Two next to each other and just touching and a third balanced atop them so the apex of the two beneath supported it by the ends of its base. This formed a fourth triangle of empty space between them, which pointed downward. Ellan and Tyr waited by this sculpture, hovering in place with their undulating fins.

"Kennis, my friend, welcome. You have found us." Ellan said, her voice issuing clearly from the fish on the left.

"It was Mara who found you, really, she somehow intuited your mate was Tyr, and concluded by deduction that you were Ellan. I confess I did not recognize you."

"I am not surprised. If anyone would recognize Tyr, Mara would."

Kennis glanced back at Mara, who seemed to have stopped at the entrance to the semicircle. Then she looked back at the sculpture and nodded to Tyr while pointing to the lower left, then the lower right, and then the top triangle.

"Salem, Salom, and Salaam?"

"You are most astute Kennis. Yes, the triangles represent the mind, the body, and the being in that configuration." She turned toward Mara. "You told."

"I did not."

"Then how does she know the tongue?"

"You spoke it in her presence. I was obliged to translate your words for her. Kennis is brilliant, and exceptionally gifted at language."

"No doubt she is."

"Love, what tongue do you speak of?" Ellan asked Tyr.

"Amaratyr."

"I've never heard of this tongue. Have you Kennis?"

"No."

"It is a language Mara and I created," she glanced at Mara, "for each other."

"Oh of course," Ellan said, "that makes perfect sense."

"It does?" Kennis asked, glancing back at Mara.

"Kennis, my dear, there was a time before our time together you know. Amaratyr is a lover's tongue. Tyr was my first love. She and I were together for 57,122 years. We parted 488,905 years ago but remain friends."

"You never mentioned this to me before."

"My love, be not jealous, what matters is our life with each other. We agreed not to discuss previous relationships a quarter-million years ago."

"I'm not jealous, just feeling a bit daft. The last time we visited our friends I joked with Tyr about your lovable quirks and idiosyncrasies, and probably bored her to tears with information she already knew."

"You didn't bore me Kennis; I have enjoyed our discussions and our correspondence immensely. Mara has never stopped being a favorite topic of mine. She will always hold a place in my heart. I took pleasure in seeing her through your eyes."

Mara grinned, but remained at the entrance to the circle.

"My goodness Mara, will you please come in? You were happy to touch me when you thought I was a flamboyant tuna, now that I am one of your best friends you are afraid to approach? Shall we have the hab reassure you again?"

[You are in no danger Mara. Tyr will not--]

"Hab, I was speaking rhetorically."

[Sorry.]

Mara swam into the circle, and Ellan approached her.

"Mara it has been too long. I have so enjoyed your books."

"And I yours Ellan. I visited Ganymede after you published your geological survey. It was fascinating."

"Indeed she spent seventy years there," Kennis added.

"You are too kind. I caught the dedication in your book on Earth's satellite Luna. Thank you."

Mara nodded then glanced at Tyr.

"Yes you must approach me too. Just like the last time we visited."

Kennis and Ellan laughed.

"Go on Mara, what troubles you? You and Tyr were practically inseparable when they last visited us,” Kennis said.

Mara did not respond, but communicated volumes to Kennis in her expression.

"Come on Ellan, I think these two need to speak privately. Why don't you take me on a tour of these many creatures you share your home with?"

"I would be delighted. Will you be well, love?" She asked.

"Yes, my dear, go on. Kennis has published some works on the former sea life of Earth; I think you will find her very informed. There will be much to share."

Tyr watched them swim away, and then turned back to Mara. "She's lovely, Mara. You chose well."

Mara looked at her.

"But that is not what you wish to discuss is it? Nor have you suddenly had second thoughts about us. This is about me, isn't it?"

Mara nodded.

"You have been wrestling with a dilemma. The idea of recreating Homo sapiens has caught your fancy, but Earth is no longer available. And that leaves you only three options, of which the most viable involves genetically modified humans."

"You are incredibly perceptive, that has indeed been a dilemma for me. But it is not what it is bothering me now."

"Oh but it is. You see the problem is not what you think it is. The problem is that you are taking a superficial view."

"Excuse me?"

"My dear, you are disturbed because I have altered my biology to this form--the Vipara, one of the most beautiful fish on Regulus-4. You love me--but as I was. In this form you see only what you have lost. No hand to hold, no lips to kiss, no hair to smell, yes?"

"My Tyr was human."

"And Ellan's Tyr is not? Am I not human? Am I not truly human? How far has our species come that you should still cling to romantic notions about meat? The being is paramount, not the body. The brain within this Vipara body is human. The mind within this body is human. And you know it."

"I still miss you as you were."

"Love, you knew I was Tyr. I didn't have to tell you. I saw it in your eyes. You saw me in mine. I am still the Tyr you love, in every bit of my being. This outward appearance is only that. It is not healthy for you to be so preoccupied with superficialities. Come here."

Mara approached, and Tyr wrapped her great fins around and around her. Her body temperature was higher than Mara's and Mara felt quite warm and safe in her embrace... almost swaddled.

"Would you not wish to hold Kennis like this? Would you not wish for Kennis to hold you like this?"

Mara said nothing, but luxuriated in the warmth and closeness.

"It is not arms and thudding hearts that make an embrace a human embrace. It is the human mind that does so. Understand, my love?"

Mara nodded and Tyr released her. Her heart really was thudding. Tyr had been an amazing partner to her--a brilliant mind--but in the end, Mara could not provide what Tyr needed and so they had agreed to separate. There was no denying the attraction was still there, of course.

"It is this romantic superficiality that caused you to enter my home with that archaic wetsuit and breathing apparatus, instead of more sensibly adjusting your biology to suit the environment. I suppose it bothered you that Kennis altered herself."

Tyr's perception was as sharp as ever. When they were together Mara often found that Tyr could explain her own feelings better than she herself could.

"Yes."

"You deny yourself the full range of human experience then. When I swim it is like flight. I perceive the motion of the fluid in ways you do not, I see beauty you do not. When I choose to dance there are so many things I can do with this body that I could not do with my bipedal primate body. Biological adaptation is now a human ability, why not use it? Indeed one might argue that to not use it is to not be fully human."

"I had not considered that perspective."

"Well then, a fresh perspective makes a fine seed for new thought. So let us not belabor the point. But consider it. And you might find that doing so solves your dilemma--genetically modified humans are still humans, as long as they possess human minds."

How simply she put it. She was right, Mara realized, she had been taking a superficial view.

"Although personally if you want to create humans, I think you should just breed with Kennis."

"Not that again. You sound like my mothers."

"Well okay. Enough preaching for one visit I suppose." Tyr said with a laugh. "It is good to see you again Mara."

"It is nice to see you too, Tyr."

Ellan was explaining to Kennis the chemical pathways that gave rise to the bioluminescence of the Vurn Orbs nesting on the habitat walls when a voice called out from behind them.

"Kennis, Ellan, shall we go for a swim?"

It was Mara with Tyr chasing behind her. Kennis did a double take, as she had never seen Mara with adapted biology. But Mara had indeed changed herself to match Kennis in appearance, but had chosen to give herself a golden coloration with dark amber spots. Kennis stared open-mouthed.

"What? I tired of lugging around gear. Am I that repulsive?"

"You are glorious, my love." She turned to Tyr, "I don't know what you said to her, but I have long worried that she was missing out on some great experiences, so whatever it was, thank you."

"Yes, thank you Tyr," Mara added and then turned back to Kennis, "she also may have solved my other dilemma."

"Clearly. We can now see what too much time in the bath will do to your skin."

"Oh my," Ellan said, "Kennis you are incorrigible."

"You have no idea," Mara said, but with an inexhaustible grin she continued, "Tyr has invited us to swim in the open seas of Regulus-4. Will you come, Kennis?"

"My dear of course I will come."

"Well let's go then. I want to swim!" and off she raced.

"I think perhaps she was a fish all along." Kennis said with a laugh.

"Weren't we all?" Ellan asked.

Name of the Earth

Abacquer — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:07:13 -0400

Mara finished her book and wandered into the atrium Kennis had entered a few days earlier.

"What are you doing Kennis?"

"I am watching the moon."

"Why?"

"It pleases me to do so, Mara."

"Will you do so awhile longer then?"

"For at least a thousand more years."

Folding her delicate arms, Mara leaned against the doorway and stared at her. Kennis sat, legs folded, mouth slightly open, her olive skin and brown eyes awash in the moonlight that poured through the windows of the atrium and bathed her slight features.

"Will you stand there and study me all night?" Kennis asked without turning to look at her.

"Yes, for a thousand years as it so pleases me."

With a faint exhale Kennis smiled and glanced down with a smirk.

"My love you have forgotten the moon..." Mara admonished coyly.

She looked back at Mara, with her hair rimmed by the moonlight. Her eyes, even darker in silhouette, held a mischeivous promise floating in a sea of devotion. "But I have remembered something more important."

With a playful glance over her shoulder Mara feigned ignorance. "Whatever could that be? A star perhaps? I may have spotted one out of the library window."

In a fluid motion Kennis rose, her silk kimono changing from aqua to burgundy as she approached. Her message was clear, Mara looked down and changed her simple white sari into a demure amber robe in response.

"And after that, shall we sleep?" Mara asked.

"It has been many years."

"Seven hundred and twelve."

"Do you remember how?"

"Do you remember the last time either of us forgot anything?"

Kennis leaned in close, her kimono faintly disappating in wisps of wine-scented mist, "I forgot the moon a moment ago." The kiss was sweet, long, and pulled gently at something deep within Mara... something she had indeed forgotten.

For many days afterward they laid on the couch by the atrium window in each others arms, their garments a pool of particulate mist on the floor nearby, and watched the moon together.

"What did you write about?" Kennis finally asked.

"When?"

"The day you entered the atrium and spoke to me. I assume you wrote a book that day."

"I write a book every day."

"And on that day?"

"I wrote about humans."

"What species?"

"Homo sapiens."

"Ah, our progenitor species. May I read it?" Kennis asked.

"My love you may read any book I publish, and even those I don't."

Kennis closed her eyes and became quiet. Mara stared at the moon. Kennis was right, it was pleasing to do. Perhaps her next book would be about the moon. Kennis smiled and opened her eyes.

"That was wonderful, you almost make them appealing."

"There was among them everything that gave rise to us, my love, to you, and I find much appealing in you."

"And I in you, Mara, but there was also among them everything that led to their extinction."

"Nothing that couldn't be cured with education."

Kennis raised one eyebrow at her.

"Well, " she smirked, "maybe that and a little genetic surgery."

"Shall we try to repopulate the species?"

"I think I would like that, as long as we don't have to impersonate deities."

"Shall we do it tomorrow?"

"No, Earth must process the poisons in its environment before humans can survive there."

"Nanos."

"No. No nanos. Else they would not be Homo sapiens, but Homo lentus." Mara said.

"Not without genetic surgery--"

"Which the nanos would automatically perform."

Kennis thought a moment. "Shall we create them on the moon then? Construct an environment for them?"

"Humans belong on Earth. They are bound to that world, genetically suited to live there. This was the birthplace of Homo immortalis--but we are suited to dwell anywhere."

"Do you not worry that the humans will simply make wars again? Poison their world again? I deeply felt your sentiment for them, but they are barely out of the realm of the apes, they will fight over anything, and are able to maintain such cognitive dissonance that they will destroy their own environment and doom their own species. Do you really think education can save their species, preserve it?"

"Why not?"

"Because, my dear, education was what caused the division in the species last time. Homo lentus was the result of those humans who actively worked to improve their species. The only thing that 'preserved' Homo sapiens were those who willfully remained uneducated out of fealty to mythological creatures. Right up until they destroyed themselves. It's perverse to be favored by natural selection because of your intelligence and refuse to use it--a lemming gene at work perhaps."

"I should still like to try."

Kennis closed her eyes briefly and then reopened them. "Latest estimates are 36,000 years before the Earth has processed all of the poisons in its environment."

"Shall we sleep until then?"

"I think I should like that. What books will you write while we sleep?"

"I have three I started while we made love that I need to finish, and then I think I shall write one about the Moon."

"You didn't finish? Was I that distracting?"

"Yes, although one I cannot finish."

"Why not?"

"I don't know how it ends." Mara yawned. "I have not felt tired for many centuries. This is a peculiar sensation."

She reached out with one arm and touched a finger to the pool of mist on the floor. Immediately the mist swam over them and solidified into a patchwork quilt of subtle grays resembling the lunar surface.

Kennis watched Mara sleep for a day and then turned her attention to the Earth outside the atrium window, shrouded in soupy haze. She doubted the wisdom of returning to the planet the species that had proven so ill-equipped to look after it. Mara's book about the moon was published while Kennis contemplated the Earth, and Kennis found it as fascinating as Ellan's volume on the geology of Ganymede and forwarded it to her to read. Mara's voice floated unbidden into her consciousness, woven into the stream of information entering her network receiver. I thought you were going to sleep with me.

Sorry love, I was thinking. I loved your book on the moon.

Do you not wish to sleep?

I might enjoy looking at you more than sleeping.

Come nestle in my mind with me, let our thoughts tangle together in wonderful disarray. There will be plenty of time to sort them out later.

I can do that with my eyes open, Mara.

Try feeling tired. Your biology will take over from there.

Kennis felt tired, and soon she slept. Once she was no longer conscious, all of the furnishings apart from the couch and blanket immediately dissolved into mist and disappeared through vents near the floor to be stored until needed. The habitat maintained its position automatically and carefully so that the light reflected from the moon would pass through the atrium window and illuminate the photosynthetic skin of the sleepers for many thousands of years.

"Mara, wake up." Kennis said.

Mara opened her eyes. "Did I oversleep?"

"No. It has only been 24,078 years, but there has been a development."

"What happened?"

"See for yourself." Kennis said, indicating the window.

Mara glanced out and was shocked to discover the Earth was unshrouded and most of the landmasses were a glorious shade of orange.

"Is this a predicted stage in the processing of the poisons?"

"No. There is a new species of life on this planet borne out of the poisonous environment, which has converted the pollutants into new compounds and created a new state of equilibrium."

"Suitable for Homo sapiens?"

"Not remotely. I checked with Ellan and Tyr and they have modeled it is likely that this species will achieve sentience in a few million years. I'm afraid that Earth does not belong to Homo sapiens anymore."

"No return to Eden, " Mara said softly. A small tear travelled down her cheek. She touched it and glanced at her finger, with a faint mote of puzzlement on her brow.

"I assume the moon is off limits, then?" Kennis asked.

"Of course, it belongs to this new species." Mara said.

"Perhaps another world? There are thousands that might suffice."

"Perhaps. I think I am going to miss looking at the moon."

"We can remain here for a few million years and contemplate it. Maybe get to know this new species when they venture forth from their world."

"No. Let's leave. This was our birthplace, and it is about time we left the nursery and explored our universe. It has been nearly 100,000 years since we last saw Ellan and Tyr."

"What about making humans?"

"Call it a romantic notion."

"Your book on the idea received some great reviews."

"Another time maybe."

Sensing the subject closed for the time being, Kennis closed her eyes and cast out the sensor net.

"Ellan and Tyr are at Regulus. They would love to have us for a few years. We can be under way immediately if you like."

Mara glanced thoughtfully at the Earth for a moment and then rose from the couch, wrapped the blanket around her and left the atrium.

"Well I'd best make myself presentable then."

In the harsh light of Sol, the habitat finally pivoted away from the moon, wavered in many shades and colors, and then vanished.

The orange world waited for those who would give it a new name.

NOTE: I wrote the above story fragment off the cuff in a forum I frequent. You can find the original post here.

Das Rad

Abacquer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:46:54 -0400

Here's a funny animation I caught on Pharyngula, the excellent science blog by P.Z. Myers. The audio is German, but there are subtitles. I got a kick out of it, perhaps you will too?

Das Rad

Red States and Republicans Do Not Have a Monopoly on Knuckledraggers

Abacquer — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:51:05 -0400

"What you have to spew and spread is extremely dangerous ... it's dangerous for our children to even know that your philosophy exists! This is the Land of Lincoln where people believe in God. Get out of that seat ... You have no right to be here! We believe in something. You believe in destroying! You believe in destroying what this state was built upon."

-- Rep. Monique Davis (D-Chicago), speaking to atheist Rob Sherman

If Rob Sherman was a Jew or a Muslim or a Methodist or anything but an atheist, Representative Monique Davis would be openly castigated from every direction (and deservedly so). But it's okay to hate atheists here. Welcome to my country.

Mr. Sherman was testifying to the Illinois House State Government Administration Committee about a one million dollar grant slated to go to a Baptist church that was trying to rebuild from a fire. As you know churches already don't pay taxes, so it seems rather curious that anyone would think it okay for tax money to go to a church--especially in a country where church and state are supposed to be separate. The grant money story is pretty smelly all on its own, but I am not at all surprised that any outspoken atheist would have an opinion on the matter, and might choose to testify to government bodies on the matter.

But Monique Davis feels otherwise. She feels atheists have no right to testify to the American government. And for that matter we are destroyers, and dangerous to children. And it's okay to censor or silence us. Oh and the country was founded on Christian principles.

How does someone like this even get elected in the first place? Shame on you Monique Davis. You madam, are no Democrat.

Hat tip to the excellent science blog Pharyngula for the story. You won't be hearing about it on Fox.

Why Debate the Existence of God?

Abacquer — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 00:55:20 -0500

So I watched an overly long atheist/theist debate on YouTube the other day. It was held by an American Muslim organization and featured two Muslim debaters and two atheist debaters. It was depressing and nightmarish to watch. I thought the atheists did a horrible job, frankly, and let the other side get away with dodgy logic and word games. In their defense the environment wasn't friendly to them in the least, but they weren't really doing anything that would have won the crowd over.

After the sorry affair was over, I found myself wondering what possesses atheists to want to debate the existence of God or Allah or what-have-you. I can understand giving a talk, taking questions and answers, writing an essay, but a debate? Would you debate the existence of the tooth fairy? What's the point?

We hold political debates to see how potential representatives think on their feet, but not to find the truth. As I have long noted, debates are not about truth, they are about winning, and this is precisely why I do not like them. You get people playing semantical games with each other and trying to win over the audience instead of working together to reach truth or at least understanding. And since the most outspoken debaters tend to insult each other, or each other's position, they do little to convince anyone of anything. Instead these events tend to drive wedges between people instead of bring them together.

So if it is about winning as opposed to truth, what good does debating the existence of supernatural entities serve? Even if you win you haven't proved anything beyond the fact that you are the better debater.

Personally I think irrational beliefs are not the sort of thing you want to try to debate--your theistic opponents will simply expand their belief beyond the boundaries you try to set for them--whether it makes sense or not. And why wouldn't they? The beliefs were irrational in the first place. As the old saw goes you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.

Village Atheist = Village Idiot?

Abacquer — Sat, 26 May 2007 07:48:22 -0400

The jobs don't pay a lot, and you take most of your pay in self-esteem, but somebody is always trying out for village idiot or village atheist. Often they're one and the same...

-- Wesley Pruden, Revival time with the village atheist, (Washington Times)

In a classic pot-and-kettle scenario, Wesley Pruden has done disservice to the readers of the Washington Times with an irrational screed mocking atheists for writing "irrational screeds mocking those who have the faith the authors clearly envy." The saving grace for these unfortunate atheists is that the average Times reader is probably too smart to be taken in by such drivel.

Pruden has nothing constructive to offer in his screed. He merely calls atheists names and cites examples of atheists saying bad things about people who deserve to have bad things said about them. This is what his article boils down to:

Did you know that there are atheists living among you?
Atheists are idiots.
Atheists hate people of faith because they don't have faith but desperately want it.
Atheists say the darndest things.
Atheists are getting more attention than I am and it pisses me off.

Mr. Pruden apparently doesn't concern himself with the facts regarding persons atheists have spoken ill of, or even facts about the atheists themselves. I mean really, who among us who has actually read The God Delusion would use the word "irrational" to describe it? I've been struggling with the book myself and have found it incredibly dense, repetitive, and belaboring of points, but irrational? Rationality is the coin of the atheist realm. The author has got it backwards... it is faith that is irrational.

The article is clearly calculated to incense the readership, as opposed to communicate any meaningful argument as to why atheists are idiots, or naughty, or whatever else he's trying to say. He notes Christopher Hitchens' reference to Mother Theresa as "the ghoul of Calcutta", without bothering to say why. He notes Pulitzer prize winner Paul Greenberg's mention of Reverend Falwell's one "decent" moment on record, without bothering to say why. Apparently the "why" doesn't concern the unencumbered-by-a-Pulitzer-Prize-Pruden.

A rational person will find little of interest in this yawn-inspiring rant against atheism, except perhaps an appreciation of the irony by which the author reveals himself to be the shrill irrational caricature that he tries to paint atheists as. Beyond that, there's nothing to see here.

Evolution Proven: From a Newt to a Snake

Abacquer — Sun, 20 May 2007 15:42:51 -0400

"... A growing culture of radical secularism declares that the nation cannot profess the truths on which it was founded [...] We are told that our public schools can no longer invoke the creator, nor proclaim the natural law nor profess the God-given quality of human rights. [...] In hostility to American history, the radical secularists insist that religious belief is inherently divisive and that public debate can only proceed on secular terms [...] Too often, the courts have been biased against religious believers. This anti-religious bias must end ..."

-- Newt Gingrich, speaking at Liberty University
Gingrich: Challenge 'radical secularism' (AP via Pioneer Press)

How much of our history is merely perception colored by those seeking to attain power? This nation was not founded on Christianity, why does that simple fact continue to elude these twits? Shall we go back to Jefferson and check... AGAIN?

"Believing... that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their Legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church and State." --Thomas Jefferson to Danbury Baptists, 1802. ME 16:281

"[When] the [Virginia] bill for establishing religious freedom... was finally passed,... a singular proposition proved that its protection of opinion was meant to be universal. Where the preamble declares that coercion is a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, an amendment was proposed, by inserting the word "Jesus Christ," so that it should read "a departure from the plan of Jesus Christ, the holy author of our religion." The insertion was rejected by a great majority, in proof that they meant to comprehend within the mantle of its protection the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mahometan, the Hindoo and infidel of every denomination." --Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821. ME 1:67

(Thomas Jefferson on Politics & Government -- Freedom of Religion)

The great Virginian Thomas Jefferson understood that our country must espouse no religion, in order to protect them all. Theists who hold their religions near and dear (especially Christians) should be very wary of those who want to infuse their religion into politics. I discussed this last October in my article Looking Into the Abyss:

...If you are a religious person, and if you believe that politics is largely despicable, then it follows that you may believe that getting your religion into politics will improve the state of politics and make it less dirty. But, like the mixing paints, doing so will also infuse the dirt of politics into your religion. Priests will become politicians, and politicians will become priests, each less suited to their role than they were before. Keeping your religion away from politics is the best way to keep politics away from your religion... if you don't eventually you'll find that the power-hungry have invaded your churches and turned them into something they were not intended to be. Mixing the two leaves you with neither...

Southern Baptists, at least the ones who cheered Newt on at Liberty University, are pushing this nation toward theocracy. It desperately concerns me that they haven't thought this through. For his part, Newt is considering a run for president in 2008. And so once again, the power hungry tell the religious what they want to hear in order to win votes. Jefferson understood this too:

"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes." --Thomas Jefferson to Alexander von Humboldt, 1813. ME 14:21

(Thomas Jefferson on Politics & Government -- Freedom of Religion)

Fellow citizens, we have our work cut out for us.

ULev Joins Planet Atheism

Abacquer — Sun, 20 May 2007 12:52:22 -0400

As of a couple days ago, Unbecoming Levity has joined Planet Atheism as a contributing feed. You might have spotted the new link in my sidebar under "Badges and Doodads". Planet Atheism is a feed aggregator for a large number (75 at present, and counting) of atheist-themed blogs. This makes it a very nice source for catching up on atheist bloggers and seeing what's going down in the non-believer blog-o-sphere.

ULev regulars will no doubt be thinking that people reading Planet Atheism will not want to hear about my new teeth or the funny thing my cats did the other day. I agree. That's why there's a new topic in my topics sidebar called "PlanetAtheism". The Planet Atheism aggregator only subscribes to that topic, so not every article on ULev will be dumped onto Planet Atheism's feed (much to their relief I'm sure!) This is possible because Blog Harbor offers category-driven blogs, where each category can have its own RSS feed.

Belonging to Planet Atheism has already caused an uptick in my hits, and brought new commenters to Unbecoming Levity, for which I am very grateful. I encourage anyone who has an atheist themed blog (or a category-driven blog with occasional articles of interest to atheists) to contact the proprietor of Planet Atheism and see about inclusion. (If you're curious, here's their FAQ.)

Even if you don't, at least drop the Planet Atheism feed into your aggregator (Google Reader, Bloglines, whatever...) and you will never run short of articles of interest to atheists.

Kansas School Board to Elect Creationist President

Abacquer — Sat, 19 May 2007 23:01:32 -0400

The National Association of State Boards of Education will elect officers in July, and for one office, president-elect, there is only one candidate: a member of the Kansas school board who supported its efforts against the teaching of evolution...

-- Evolution opponent is in line for schools post, Austin-American Statesman

Come on Kansas, don't let this happen again.

Why I am an Atheist

Abacquer — Sat, 19 May 2007 13:17:10 -0400

From Atheism to Catholicism:

My journey to atheism took about 25 years. It was not a journey fraught with disaster (any more than any average person's life is) but it was not exactly easy. In 1967 I was born, as all babies are, an atheist. My parents were Roman Catholics, and fairly devout ones at that.

Over the next 17 years or so I was indoctrinated into the Roman Catholic religion. I remember many, MANY, Sundays in church when I was younger. As my parents became busier and busier with work and life in general, we went to church less and less. Which was fine with me. I was hyperactive and having to sit in an uncomfortable pew while an old guy babbled for an hour on a Sunday morning was very difficult for me. Eventually our trips to the church were only occasional, Christmas, Easter, etc.--the big holidays.

My Dad had converted to Catholicism from Protestantism so that he could marry my Mom. He made clear to me in a number of conversations that his belief was not strictly Catholic. The most memorable conversation was one where he described a sort of "Gaea Hypothesis" where the Earth itself was what we think of as "God", a living organism with a desire to reproduce, which is why it had evolved humans, so that we could journey to other worlds and bring life there.

Dad loved Carl Sagan, and I have fond memories of watching Cosmos with him. I understood some of it, but not all of it due to my youth. When Carl gently explained with his "why not skip a step?" lecture about God and the origin of the universe, I didn't realize I was being exposed to atheistic cosmology. (For those of you that missed it, you should check it out, Carl was a wonderful teacher.)

My Mom, a good Irish woman, worked hard to keep my Catholicism strong. She sent me to CCD (Sunday school) until I flat out refused to go. Even as a believer, Sunday school seemed to be a joke... what a waste of time. And as previously stated, she got me to church for many years, right up to first communion and beyond. By the time high school rolled around, my parents were less than impressed with the local public high school that my sister had attended 7 years prior (apparently there was a lot of drugs there and other unpleasantry), so they decided to send me to a parochial school.

Catholic school was very different from public school, but even as an atheist now, I am pleased to report that my education there was of high quality. There was no shirking of evolution (it was a Catholic school, after all), and I remember only a couple teachers whom I felt really didn't belong there. The indoctrination, at the time, didn't seem like indoctrination. It is only in hindsight that I can see how Catholicism was drilled into me on a daily basis. By this time my family were not regular churchgoers, and the school priest was concerned about the fact that I would not be confirmed. So he encouraged me to seek confirmation on my own, which I did. I was confirmed with the name "Peter" and from that point on actually went so far as to add Peter to my name as a second middle name. Asked to sign anything I would write Charles Douglas Peter ... I thought it was pretty cool to have a second middle name, and wearing that name was like wearing a badge of my Christianity--Peter, the rock, upon which Christ built his church.

For a time, I began going to church again by myself--I was highly motivated (by guilt) to do right by God. But I had been motivated by guilt my entire life, and in experiencing the sorts of things every young boy experiences at one time or another, I was wracked with it. I agonized with guilt over the normal feelings a male experiences. I spent many a quiet hour alone and near tears over the eternal damnation that awaited me as a sinner. You see I was terrified of confession... I couldn't possibly sit in a little black room with a priest who knew me and pour out all my terrible sins, I just couldn't possibly do it. I would never be able to look him in the eye again. I tried to explain to one of my relatives once that I didn't like confession, and was informed "Well then, you're a heathen" much to my dismay. Thus when I went to confession, I stuck to stuff that was pretty unremarkable, and left the booth each time knowing that not all my sins had been forgiven. How draconian a system of forgiveness! I can't just drop to my knees and ask for it? An all-powerful being who already knows of each of my sins, and can read my mind and see how tormented I am, but who can't forgive me unless I go to the nearest service center and speak with a representative?

By my senior year in high school, with some of the early angst of puberty behind me, I was beginning to mature into an adult. At that time, I came to a decision that brought me peace. "When I go away to college," I thought to myself, "I'll take a weekend and drive really far, far, away from anyplace I've ever been, or will ever go again, and I'll finally confess these sins to a priest who I will never have to look in the eye afterward." Knowing I wouldn't have to carry this weight forever, that there was a way out, made me feel much better about it. The road to God's kingdom was clear, all I needed was a car and a tankful of gas. This decision brought me great peace, and with the guilt in check, I suddenly became much happier. I began to get along with the other kids better, and even became somewhat respected as an individual by my peers. I also stopped going to church, figuring I could take care of all that when I went on my "religious retreat next year".

To Nondenominational Christianity:

And so I went off to college. And there I became friends with people of all different creeds including agnostics and atheists. It was an exciting time and I was finding many new schools of thought that fascinated me. I was growing. It was in college that I came to understand that the "sins" I had been beating myself up over for years were an extremely normal part of boyhood. Before long I felt quite silly for agonizing over them, which in turn made me even happier. I decided to put the religious retreat on hold until I figured out where my life was going.

Over the next couple years I concluded that the problem was organized religion itself. I had become aware of the sordid history of my church, and of other churches and religions, and came to the conclusion that it was my personal relationship with God that mattered. I changed from Catholic to simply "Christian". I was very familiar with the bible, having spent years studying it, and felt I could try to live by some of the precepts set forth by Christ, seek forgiveness from God directly, and ignore all of the hateful crazy stuff that the bible was so rife with.

By the time college ended, my beliefs had changed again, mostly through discussions with my fiance, who was raised Lutheran. I felt that the basic moral code of Christ was mostly a good one and had become aware of just how poorly people who were supposed to be exemplary Christians understood his teachings and how they were in many ways waving the banner of Christ while behaving in an exceedingly unchristlike fashion. In that sense, his "church" didn't survive very long after his death, and transformed into something else. I was aware that many had called themselves messiah and there was no more reason to believe in their divinity than in Christ's. It amused me that if Christ lived today, he'd have been shouted down as a long-haired beatnick hippie liberal. I was aware of just how much of the story of his life was now in doubt, much of it having been edited in order to fit with earlier prophecy.

To Deism:

I was no longer a Christian. I thought that perhaps a God existed, but it seemed to me a being who had created the entire universe would have far, far, too much on his mind to worry over poor little me. It was silly. Apart from the love and support of my friends, family, and fiance, I was on my own. There was no almighty being who was checking off an attendance sheet every Sunday, and counting every time I looked at the fanny of a lovely lady and felt desire. All those years of agonizing guilt were years WASTED. How differently my life might have turned out had I not been so weighted down with the assured eternal torment that came with thinking boobies were interesting. But I was not angry at God, or the church, or Catholicism, or my parents. I was only angry with myself, for not coming to the realization sooner. At this point I was wavering between Christian and Deist. I still believed there probably was a God, but he was nothing like any God humanity had ever imagined. The very idea that a man or woman could "tell you about God" seemed ludicrous. Our knowledge of the universe was absolutely paltry. There were planetoids circling our own sun that we hadn't discovered yet, and we had not discovered a single extrasolar world for lack of equipment capable enough. And yet our sun was one of billions, in a galaxy that was one of millions of billions of galaxies... the universe was, for any practical purpose, infinite. And some dork with a 2000 year old book written by sheepherders is going to tell me he knows the mind of the God that created more than he could ever be aware of? Puhlease.

The following year we got married. We both felt, for our families' sakes, that we should marry in a religious ceremony. It seemed easier to do that than to explain to our parents that we didn't share their religious convictions. And, I had a certain attachment to my old church. Even if I didn't believe anymore, I loved the old building, and remembering eying the architecture with wonder as a young boy. So we jumped through all the hoops and did the pre-cana classes and finally got married after five years together. Being married didn't change anything about our feelings for each other, we were already devoted to one another and for years had shared a single apartment and checking account. Over the next few years I continued to grow (or shrink if you prefer) theistically.

To Agnosticism and finally Atheism:

Shortly after marriage I left deism behind and moved to agnosticism, and then finally to atheism. This last leg of the journey was achieved simply through study and keeping an open mind. I spent many nights pondering the existence of a God. Many Christians feel that atheists are people who were molested by priests or who had something really bad happen to them that made them doubt God. But my journey to enlightenment simply came through thought and reason. Not once did I ever come to the conclusion that God didn't exist because of bad things that happened to myself or others. My mind, and the minds of great thinkers, set me free from belief in a deity. And it was in freedom that I began to grow more than I ever had before.

That final transition from agnosticism to atheism did not come from arguments considering the likelihood of God, as put forth so eloquently by Dr. Richard Dawkins, but simply from an understanding of belief and science. Nothing had ever sprung into existence from belief, and primitive humans, seeking to explain the world around them, had come up with beliefs based on their limited experience to explain their world. There was a god of thunder, and a god of the river, and a god of this and of that, a final go-to place to explain that which was as yet unexplainable. These gods were inventions, we know that now, and we assuredly believe that our particular god is nonetheless real. Why? The universe existed for billions of years before humans did. Life existed for millions of years before human did. There are almost certainly other worlds out there with life on them somewhere. Why would we imagine that their God is our God?

It became clear that God is a product of man, and he still exists as a go-to for those questions that still are not answered and to comfort us. Through a god and afterlife, we are eternal, our consciousness the manifestation of an immortal spirit that will rejoin its loved ones who have passed on before when we die. The God hypothesis makes us live forever. And further, it addresses the common lament that life is not fair, God will mete out justice. If an awful, evil man becomes powerful and lives a long happy life hurting others, we can take solace that after death, he will be brought to account for his transgressions. The God hypothesis makes life fair. This is why the God hypothesis exists--to make us feel better. It is a comforting idea, in my opinion. But that doesn't make it true.

Which is where the science comes in. Science and good old Occam's Razor. A hypothesis only becomes a theory through testing, and the God hypothesis is untestable. First of all, most religions make quite clear that their gods will not abide being tested. Why? Because testing yields no confirmation. Get 10,000 believers together and have them pray over a guy with no legs and he will not grow new ones. Ever. Believing doesn't make things happen. Herbert Benson's recent study of believers praying for heart surgey patients found no positive effect on the outcome of the surgery and even had a slight negative effect for those patients who knew they were being prayed for. Secondly there is no evidence. Such evidence that has turned up (such as the Shroud of Turin) has failed under scrutiny. You can't get from hypothesis to theory without observable and verifiable evidence. Thirdly, the predictions of the God hypothesis are nonfalsifiable since there is no way to communicate with those "in the afterlife". Instead such predictions are painfully ambiguous so as to be rationalized easily, and serve as raw materials from which charlatans can build a living preying on the gullible or the bereaved. Which brings me back to Occam's Razor... the God hypothesis is an incredibly complex answer to the origin of humanity, whereas Darwin's elegant theory of natural selection and evolution is a very simple one--one that makes predictions which stand up to testing, and for which there are mountains of supporting evidence. Occam's Razor cuts away the God hypothesis, leaving the simpler and scientifically sound evolutionary explanation. There simply isn't any good reason to assume the existence of a supreme being until such time as evidence is discovered to support it.

And so I dropped the (perhaps somewhat pretentious) "Peter" from my name, and went back to being just Charles Douglas. So much the better, as Douglas is my father's name, and he was the saintliest person I ever knew.

Enlightenment:

Without a poorly fitting fairytale stretched over it, bursting at the seams, the world finally made sense. Things snapped into place and became clear. I could now ponder the origins of morality, religion, science, humanity, and the universe without the blinders of faith. I could consider modern moral questions (such as gay marriage, abortion, and so forth) without the infernally nonsensical mandates of the Judeochristian deity. I was happier than I ever remembered being, finding a remarkable peace that did away with guilt. I was an atheist, happily married to another atheist, and together we could do much good for our fellow humans, and lead productive and joyful lives together. It was only after becoming an atheist that I began studying some of the atheist literature that was available, becoming more familiar with Carl Sagan, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, George H. Smith, Jonathan Miller, and the witty and caustic Christopher Hitchens. (I confess that I have not read all these authors.)

Some years later our daughter was born, and we agreed to raise her in a world without superstition and supernatural nonsense. She would be taught that she should be a good person all on her own, without a scary boojum that was going to "get her" if she didn't. I think it was good for her, because she is like me, a creature of guilt, and I am so happy to see that she isn't crushed under it like I was. Are we indoctrinating her? Perhaps. Young minds need instruction. So we teach her how to be a good human being and leave it at that. I've made quite clear to her that when she is older, if she decides to pursue a religion of one sort or another, I will love her every bit as much. The only thing I ask is that she wait until she is older to make that decision, so that she makes it with an adult mind, instead of a childlike one. Perhaps I needn't worry so much. When her world had a Santa Claus and tooth fairy in it, she viewed the possibility of God as somewhat greater than zero. When she was freed of those illusions her worldview became much more pragmatic and she seems happier with the knowledge that the world makes sense, even if life isn't fair and is sometimes very sad.

It was shortly after my kid was born that I made it clear to my parents that I was not a Christian. Mostly because my Mom kept hinting at a "christening" for my daughter. When was the baptism going to happen? And so forth. My family has respected my choice to varying degrees of worry, my father being the clearest. He summed it up quite succinctly: "your Mom doesn't like it but it doesn't matter to me." My Dad was incredibly broadminded and thoughtful, deeply philosophical, and just all around great. I really miss him. My wife's family is similarly mostly respectful of her choice, except for one of them who is convinced that I "corrupted" her. (This person would doubtless be surprised to know that Patty was an atheist long before I was.)

Living as an Atheist:

Living as we do, in liberal Massachusetts, where the basic humanist tenet of "live and let live" is alive and well, we are not persecuted for our lack of faith. We get along well with our neighbors and friends, and pretty much don't talk about faith unless the subject comes up. So far so good, but I read too much of the news not to see that atheists are persecuted in our nation. It is perfectly acceptable to say "I hate atheists" and to express any number of ludicrous stereotypes about people like me. George Bush senior once expressed his opinion that American atheists should not be considered citizens of the USA. My daughter still has to profess a belief in God each morning during the pledge of allegiance, or feel like an outsider among her peers and risk intolerant treatment. Every bit of currency in my pocket shrieks YOU ARE NOT AN AMERICAN at me with its boldfaced assertion that Americans "trust in God". In a court of law, my testimony must be sworn truth before a nonexistant sky-fairy or it is immediately cast into doubt. But that's fine. Most Americans are Christian, and though all these things violate the separation of church and state, I'm prepared to overlook at least the latter two. I know I am a good American, and that my testimony is just as accurate without fealty to some nebulous deity. The pledge bothers me because it is a form of indoctrination, but there are far bigger fish to fry right now. Just take a peek at George God-Told-Me-To-Invade-Iraq Bush for a minute to see how theistic thinking threatens us all when we fail to respect the wall of separation between church and State, erected by the esteemed Thomas Jefferson who was a Deist, not a Christian.

I know too many good people of faith to disparage faith itself, I can only disparage what some do in the name of it. And thus I believe that as long as people aren't actively trying to convert me or persecute me, they are welcome to their faith. I wish them nothing but joy of it. But at the same time I feel a little sad. Although it is a perhaps comforting thought when stepping out on a gorgeous sunny spring day to hear the birds singing that God made that day for me, and has a plan for us all, knowing that it all just happened according to basic laws of nature makes the day and my chance to enjoy it that much rarer and more special for me, and helps me appreciate it in a manner that a theist cannot. What a precious, rare and wonderful world we all live on!

But that's okay. What's important is that we each find our happiness while respecting each other. Maybe I'm an optimist, but I ultimately believe that humanity will mature and either move beyond theism, or at least move to nonconfrontational theism that concerns itself only with the metaphysical, and leaves the physical realm to science. It won't happen in my lifetime, but I'm doing my part to make it happen by being a good moral atheist and raising another good moral atheist. As a good (atheist) friend of mine once taught me, it was Ghandi who said You must be the change you wish to see in the world, he was right. So that's what I'm doing.

Peace.

Mark Isaak's Index

Abacquer — Wed, 16 May 2007 09:58:34 -0400

Wow, I just stumbled across The Index to Creationist Claims by Mark Isaak. What a great resource!

That's "-ed" Not "-able"

Abacquer — Wed, 16 May 2007 07:00:00 -0400

This is something I keep hearing from certain theists who feel the need to argue with atheists. It came up during Christopher Hitchens' recent NPR interview (21 Mb .mp3 file). I've heard it from the Kirk Cameron crowd. I've heard it all over the place. Let me summarize it:

There's so much in our world which is unexplainable by science, how can you not believe there is a God who created these things?

I hate this argument, mostly because it makes a number of logical errors. Christopher Hitchens would go further to say that it is ridiculously arrogant. During his NPR interview when a lady called in and put this to him, his response was (paraphasing):

She seems to imagine what isn't explained can be explained by her. I wouldn't presume any such arrogance. What have we been wasting our time for? With all these inquiries into nature and the natural order--there's a lady in Virginia Beach who knows all about it, and she even knows who's responsible. We should have asked her. Isn't it amazing how religious people claim such humility and yet make the most fantastically arrogant claims?.

I wouldn't take Hitchens' stance that the caller was arrogant, only that she simply doesn't understand the logical problems with her argument.

First, why this peculiar jump from "unexplained" to "unexplainable"? There are questions for which science has no answer other than "I don't know", but some people don't seem to realize that means "I don't know yet." Surely there are some questions science cannot answer right now because nobody is investigating that particular question, or the answer requires evidence that hasn't been found yet. But it doesn't follow that these mysteries are never going to be explained by science... therefore it's quite silly to refer to them as "unexplainable". There is a big difference between unexplained and unexplainable. A good analogy would be whether or not you have visited Easter Island. If not, from your perspective, Easter Island is unvisited. Is it therefore true that it is unvisitable by you?

Secondly, why the immediate leap to God? So there is a question we don't know the answer to, why must the answer to that question be God then? You do realize at some point the question will be answered and in all likelihood God will not be the answer. What then? If God is not the answer then, why should he be the answer now? Consider that 1000 years ago, we didn't know what caused lightning bolts to rain from the sky, and many people therefore said it was the work of one god or another. Now we know exactly why lightning happens, and God doesn't appear in the recipe. Why should today's questions unfold any differently than the questions of 1000 years ago?

Finally, and this kind of bugs me the most, when will we know everything there is to be known? When will we have visited every single planet in the entire universe and categorized everything on them? In all likelihood? Never. Every new scientific discovery always brings new questions. Always. If the universe is infinite, then so is knowledge. Because of this there will always be unanswered questions. Which makes the existance of such questions rather mundane. It's simply a natural side effect of learning new stuff that new questions crop up. It's not an amazing, and compelling, and mysterious thing that there are unanswered questions. If you are looking for the empty spaces on the shelves of knowledge for a place to put God, you are going to be moving him around forever. Those spaces are reserved for books that haven't been written yet. If you want to stop having to reinvent God every time science fills a gap, then maybe you should put him where he belongs... in the mythology section.

Storms Rolling Through

Abacquer — Tue, 15 May 2007 23:40:12 -0400

It's approaching midnight and the patter of rain is filtering into my house, along with the drawn out, low, gut-vibrating rumble of thunder. An approaching storm is on the one hand exciting, but on the other hand serves as a reminder of just how powerless we all are. It's not hard to understand why primitive man would look at the angry sky and imagine a rampaging god.

Farewell Falwell

Abacquer — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:59:02 -0400

Reverend Jerry Falwell is no longer with us, having died suddenly today as reported by the Houston Chronicle:

The Rev. Jerry Falwell, who founded the Moral Majority and built the religious right into a political force, died Tuesday shortly after being found unconscious in his office at Liberty University, a school executive said. He was 73.

Falwell was hospitalized in "gravely serious" condition after being found unconscious Tuesday in his office at Liberty University, a school executive said earlier...

I've never made any secret that I don't think highly of Jerry Falwell. But that said, he was still a human being, and doubtless had friends and family who loved him and who are suffering now. I know what that feels like and they have my sympathy and my condolences.

Hardesty, Oklahoma -- Home of the Ugly Christian

Abacquer — Sun, 13 May 2007 19:58:47 -0400

In another example of fundie Christian love and acceptance, a 13 year old girl in Hardesty, Oklahoma is now being homeschooled after having been basically run out of school by the local knuckledraggers. Please watch this video.

You're a brave girl Nicole. Sorry for what you went through. You should come live in Massachusetts. We have plenty of religious nuts here too, but the area is pretty liberal, and therefore most of the Christians I know actually behave like Christians.

Do Your Society Some Good: Dope-Slap a Creationist

Abacquer — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 23:19:10 -0500

Bad Astonomer Phil Plait recently posted this gem. I'd comment but I think this excerpt is all you will need to read:

According to this press release from PEER (Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility), Bush White House appointees are suppressing real science in order to promote creationism. Specifically, at the Grand Canyon National Park, a book is on sale that says the canyon was formed in Noah’s flood. Also, guides at the park are not allowed to answer questions about how old the canyon is, despite scientists’ incredibly detailed and intricate knowledge of the formation mechanism, scheme, and history of the canyon (hint: some of the oldest rocks in the canyon are two billion years old).

I can't even begin to express how angry this makes me. I hope it's not true. It's hard to believe that something so inane could happen in this day and age. While I don't doubt that there is creationist claptrap in the park's giftstore (that crap is everywhere), guides not being permitted to discuss the verified age of the canyon? Seems way too outlandish. Can anyone confirm this story? I hope not!